the beat dreams on-  Mad screwball comedy featuring the music crazed characters who help ignite a beat jazz bar into the musical Twilight Zone.

SETS

the beat—Downbeat tucked away bar run by beat jazz pianist “Jazzo” Hill, who scored it cheap Blue Moons ago after winning Lotto on first ticket ever bought from Joe’s Garage, down on Main Street. Jazzo is legendary as one of the great jazz raconteurs which turned the old joint into the craziest hip entertainers bar on the planet.

The cool stage features an old Bosendorfer Imperial piano bequeathed by Oscar Peterson with a maple Glenn Gould Chair, beat jazz drum kit put together by Max Roach, Jaco Pastorius’ Acoustic 461 bass amp, Les Paul and Leo Fender personalized guitar amps, and Jimmy Hendrix’s prized Marshall Super Lead 100 gifted by local grandmother Nora Hendrix. The room is world renowned for most heavenly acoustics and PA system known to a musician. Between sets a grand old majestic Wurlitzer Jukebox is hooked up which is stacked with classic hip sounds from the golden age of music and still only charges a dime. An old Twilight Zone pinball machine glares menacingly in the Cosmic Corner.

Scattered around walls are hundreds of framed 8-by-12 black and white smiling faces captured by keen shutterbug Jazzo of entertainers who spent a Wild Night in the beat over the years.

Old joint is the ultimate venue for musicians and beat comics as hosts hippest audience ever and just about experiencing fantastic no-frills live entertainment while enjoying heaps of After Hours fun. Jazzo shouts performers and less fortunate so the bar barely breaks even on a good week and will soon tried to be condemned by lowlife Hong Kong property developer Wang Chung—who wants it demolished for a high-rise of overpriced undersized Japanese lemon condos and orange Mandarin language school. The beat bar is so old school there’s no Television but an old Giant movie screen and projector are wheeled out for Monday Movie Madness, where classic old Hollywood comedies and obscure international films are shown to rousing full houses.

Nothing is available in cans or bottles except select NZ and Aussie wines. Also served are assorted herbal teas, Kiwi Green Ginger Beer and Mad Mex Root Beer, Colombian Gold Coffee, Aussie burgers, Kiwi fish ‘n’ chips, Choice NZ ice cream, and bargain gourmet Collingwood Pies baked by Bruno, a crazed Kiwi beat jazz drummer who lives out back.                                        

Master home brewer Bruno brews the legendary ales in The Cellar and labeled Blerta, Black Angel Stout, Black ‘n’ Tan, Down Under Tan, Bruno’s Bitter, Legless Lager, and non-alcoholic Te Puke Thunder and Bitter Creek Cider—which are pumped up with Te Puke Rockstar Budder and Don Juan’s Reckless Daughter’s Peyote Shatter. Blerta and Black Angel Stout are brewed with Nelson grown B.C. God Bud grafted NZ Green Orbit hops and not highly recommended for Scientologists and true blue Australians. Liquor bottles are all phony brand name knock-offs made by outlaw acid jazz Mariachi band of moonshining Mexican marijuana growers with specialties Vlad’s Vodka, Dylan Murphy Whiskey, Captain Jack Rum, Great Gadsby Gin, and trippy tequila Cisco’s Acapulco Gold–which is highly treasured among hip reggae musicians for making em sound Cuban jazzy eh mon.                                                                                                                                                                           The beat joint gets real hazy with Jazzo a keen jazz cigarette viper since way back in youthful daze playing with Louis Armstrong before falling in with Dizzy Gillespie and the smokin’ offbeat Minton’s crowd. Decor hasn’t changed for so long walking through The Green Door is like stepping back in time to the magical days when Jazz ruled with off the charts live entertainment where Anything Goes.

The bar’s resident mad dog and crazed cat are not to be messed with as Bird dog doubles as firm but fair bouncer while cool cat Dizzy keeps the joint free of dirty undercover yellow-bodied rats and plainclothes lawyers. Only manager or agent who step foot in the bar is one-armed beat ventriloquist Broadway Danny Ross—who resides in The Cave under Broadway SkyTrain track with crude dummy Mort “Scarface” Snide and tribe of beat animal thespians gnawing on ever thinning book and missing arm.   

The beat establishment makes old Cheers look hoity-toity upmarket snobby, but the music and beer are sure one heck of a lot better, according to old Cleveland Indians chief dream catcher scout “Coach” Ernie Geronimo.

Opening Hours–4.20 pm till the fat cat sings. (Cue- Jim Lowe and The High Fives’ “The Green Door” morphing into The Dave Brubeck Quartet and Harpers Bizarre mash-up of Cole Porter’s “Anything Goes”.) 

Once Upon a Time simply known as the ANZA Club, situated behind the ancient Greek eatery The Lamb Lies Down on Broadway, before high-jacked and stuck in the middle of another Mount Pleasant Valley Sunday with clowns to the left and jokers to the right, down on Main Street. (Cue- Genesis’ “The Lamb Lies Down on Broadway”.)

ANZA Club—Australia-New Zealand Association founded in Vancouver in 1935 and purchased the old Mount Pleasant establishment way back in 1961 as a cheap drinking joint for homesick Kiwis and Aussies. The Association has witnessed merrier days. (Cue- The Association’s “Along Comes Mary”.)