Before Bible bashing upper-class National Party twit Christopher Luxon and creepy ACT messiah David Seymour entered shady politics they both worked in Canada and secretly met in a Winnipeg Starbucks to plan the Filthy Rich takeover of New Zealand over black Americanos, Hot Cross Poutine Muffins, and Rocky Raccoon’s beat Gideons Bible.

Christopher Luxon with Donald Trump comb-over hair and young David Seymour in MAD role-model Alfred E. Neuman sweatshirt inside Winnipeg Starbucks drinking black Americanos to the cafe sounds of The Guess Who’s “Laughing”, Blam Blam Blam’s “There is No Depression in New Zealand”, or Monty Python’s “The Lumberjack Song”.   

Christopher–You may laugh David, but mark my words, one day, God willing, I will be the National Prime Minister of New Zealand.

David laughs.

David–Can I be, ACT-ing, Prime Minister?

Christopher smiles.

Christopher–Yes, Prime Minister!   

Creeps laugh and click coffees before Christopher takes out beat Gideons Bible to swear David in as Black Velvet axe wielding NZ lumberjack Young Winston Peters enters in high heels, suspenders, and All Black bra smoking a Winston Asian Cigarette.  

Winston—You poncy Stooges are delusional idiots. I’ll be New Zealand’s First, bad Acting Prime Minister, donkey years, before you Creepy Cretin, scum ball Cuckolds!    

Christopher flashes cross necklace and Rocky Raccoon’s beat Gideons Bible at Winston like exorcising a Werewolf Vampire Bat out of Hell.

David–Oh my Winny, that’s a VERY pretty bra.  

Winston—Thanks Butt-Head, it was, YOUR dear old Papa’s.

Christopher–You’re going to Burn, in Satan’s Hell Winston! 

Winston–Well Monkey Mucus, least the smokin’ hot Devil music–and, Whacky Lettuce–will be Dope as,, Little miss Piggy, Baldy Locks.  

Winston ruffles Luxon’s oily Muldoon comb-over and takes deep drag on Asian Cigarette as David smirks and Christopher looks cross before crazy English rocker Arthur Brown dressed as “The Priest” from The Who’s rock opera ‘Tommy’ exits Blue Bombers Batroom breathing blue fire which freaks Christopher out.

Arthur—Don’t order the Cold Canadian Chili. It’s Hell’s FIIIIIIIRE!

Arthur exits farting the opening bars of Christopher Cross’ “Arthur’s Theme (Best That You Can Do)”, Bruce Springsteen’s “Fire”, or The Crazy World of Arthur Brown’s “Fire” in B flat. Departing fart catches fire causing Christopher to open beat Bible for salvation and three angry Gypsy Moths fly out.

Mothra–Thank Christ! I can Finally see the Light!

Woody–Wake up Gypsies, and smell the Black Coffee.

Moths sniff.

Moths–Ahhhh.

Cosmos–Look Mothra, isn’t that,, Norm Macdonald?   

Mothra–-By Jove, you’re Spot on Cosmos.

Moths––Norm!! (Moth ‘Cheers’ anyone? FX–Two subdued cricket chirps.)

Shot of a young smiling Norm Macdonald in Quebec Nordiques hockey jersey sitting under a Purple Haze Lava Lamp scribbling notes in a pad as moths circle above to the jazz sounds of Todd Rundgren’s “I Saw the Light”, Bruce Springsteen’s “Blinded by the Light”, or “Three Blind Mice”. Norm’s SCTV pad reveals–“Three blind Gypsy Moths fly out of a holey Bible in search of the Meaning of Light”.

Kiwis–if any–can Google “Norm moth joke” to hear the greatest moth joke ever told on ‘Late Night with Conan O’Brien’. Rip great Canadian comic Norm Macdonald and the Quebec Nordiques NHL hockey team. 

Could extend that scene with Woody telling Norm N. a dirty long tall moth joke.

Woody–A tall dirty Moth, walks into this small shrink’s office, convinced, he’s corny clean, Canadian “comedian”, Norm Macdonald. (Norm frowns) The quack, a Doctor, Donald, Duck-Mann-Katz, asks the Gypsy Moth, named Griggaro, why he’s here,,

Two more moth joke scenes between cuts to other crazy sketches before punchline. Idiot will voice “Woody” to save Loonies unless Woody Harrelson, Woody Allen, or Woody Woodpecker are free. (FX–Wicked Woody Woodpecker laugh.)

If anybody believes in weird coincidences, after typing above, turned on fave station Turner Classic Movies to the opening credits of 1961 Japanese monster movie ‘Mothra’. What were the Norm Macdonald lost Vegas odds? (Cue- Twilight Zone music.)

If there’s a Comedy Heaven, idiot bets his poor soul that favourite Canadian comedian Norm Macdonald is smiling down. Beat comedy writing is a Funny Business as only steal from the very dead best.  Perhaps Kiwi comic Jeremy Elwood could play “Norm N.” if can perfect a Real Canadian accent, eh.

More disturbing NZ TV political satire on download.